Monday, November 07, 2005

House is a Feeling's Anti-Dance Top 10 of 2005

Don’t believe the hype!



Kelley Polar - Love Songs for the Hanging Garden

It’s indie rock! So were the Junior Boys! You’ve been duped! We helped do the duping! Next you’ll be trying to sell us on Of Montreal’s inherent funk! Hoisted by our own petard!

0=0 – “Soul Hunter Testifies”

Drum & bass cats love to talk this one up to show off what tuff guys they are. (We know we do.) C’mon on tho…this is free jazz. Try dancing to it in front of a mirror and tell me if you haven’t just woken up in homeroom with no pants on.

Mr. Oizo - Moustache (Half a Scissor)

Pretty excited about this one at first. DUPED. This is IDM. Wah wah, baby wants his bottle!

Ricardo Villalobos

Poor Ricardo. Someone should call the boy’s mother. He’s in a bad way. At least buy him a cup of coffee and bus fare home. Hello? Ricardo? Hello? *snaps fingers*

Jackson & His Computer Band - Smash

See Mr. Oizo. The French! We shouldn’t have trusted them with nuclear weapons, either.

Grime

Which isn’t the only reason it’s terrible, but it’s a big one. Mine eyes have seen the glory, etc etc.

Richie Hawtin’s hair

Actually, we fear this is very dance.

Dubstep

A blindfolded horse with two asparagus stalks in his teeth would be funkier than this shit.

Punk-funk/Death Disco/Douche Dance

Stop!!

Breakcore

Back in my day we called it drill and bass and rightfully disdained it! Slipping standards are tearing our society apart.

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17 Comments:

Anonymous Johanna about Kelley said...

Is it really indierock?

12:48 PM  
Blogger Siah Alan said...

I'm going to pretend I don't get the humor here and say.

Dubstep- funk is so totally not the point.

If you want funk its called Funky House.

Go have fun dancing to the new Wookie beats. Solar!

4:35 PM  
Blogger hector23 said...

taste the flavor!

8:55 PM  
Anonymous tricky said...

mmmmmmm bile-licious.

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhh but you are so wrong about dubstep . . .

11:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is the Daft Punk album at 11?

1:32 PM  
Blogger jacob said...

I waited for this???

2:09 PM  
Blogger j. said...

we're not your trained monkeys

6:48 AM  
Anonymous john said...

Dance, monkey, dance!

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't get it!

1:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>Is the Daft Punk album at 11?

no 11 would surely be the term "Ketiminimal"

worse than a bad haircut trying to lead the way

4:22 PM  
Blogger Geeta said...

i love you jess! this rules!

11:15 PM  
Anonymous W Dynamics said...

Why else is grime terrible?

5:49 PM  
Blogger stevo-r said...

This is very funny. Villalobos haha!

4:05 AM  
Blogger JordanC said...

Haha!

8:35 AM  
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12:44 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

AMAZING!!!

j

0=0

9:15 PM  

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